A Word On Marriage or Thoughts on the Rich or All of the Above

{ April 3, 2009 @ 5:46 am } · { Dating, Friendships, Life, Random, Relationships, Thoughts }
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I was talking to my BFF, The Duchess, about some friends of hers that are married.  The husband is filthy rich, like owns an island in the Bahamas kind of rich, and the wife comes from an upper middle class family.  Where is this going you might ask?  I have a theory that rich people shouldn’t be allowed to marry other rich people.  The rich need to marry the poor, yo!  Let’s spread the wealth a little here, people.

We grew up on fairy tales, and how are we supposed to make those fairy tales come true when they keep it in the family so to speak…

I can’t be Cinderella if one of the Stepsister’s is already playing house!!!  I vote we make it a law and take it to the Senate.  Who’s with me?!

Sincerely yours,

The Always Thinking Ahead Little Duchess

The Highly Offensive Relationship Blog (You Were Warned)!!!

{ March 18, 2009 @ 6:30 am } · { Bitching, Blogging, Blogroll, Dating, Fighting, Friendships, Insanity, Life, Marriage, Random, Ranting, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts, Worthless, cheating, liars }
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It never fails…I always end up single at the same time every year.  Once again, I’m left to ponder the state that I’m in and the past relationships I’ve had, and question what the hell is going on!  So without further adieu, here comes my annual relationship blog. (drum rolling)

Ohhhh, where to start…this last year was quite a year for me boywise.  I started off with a Toy, whom I still adore even though he’s a little shit.  I added a Bitch to the mix, which worked out perfectly because he lived in another state therefore he was never an issue.  Next came the Blast from the Past, which I don’t usually go back to the same guy twice (a good rule, I should stick with it more often).  From these men, I’ve learned some valuable rules that I am henceforth sticking to:

1.  Don’t keep going back to the same person!!!!

There’s a reason why it didn’t work.  Burn me once, shame on you.  Burn me twice, shame on me for being a effing doormat.  If you don’t love someone the first time around, odds are you won’t the second time.

2.  Toys will always be toys.

Toys are for fun, and are never meant to be taken seriously.  When Toys get serious ( and it doesn’t necessarily mean with you), they are broken and therefore of no further use.  Toss ‘em and get a new one.

3.  PussyBoy go splat.

I’m a big enough bitch for the both of us.  I cannot be with a man who’s bitchier than I am.  It’s not an attractive quality, and definitely not conducive to sexy time.  If I wanted a pussy, I’d be a lesbian.

I’m sure this year will definitely add to the rules, but that is what I’ve learned thus far.  For the record, I have no one to blame but myself.  I knew they were all bad ideas, but I did it anyways.  Well, I’m contemplating a date with a pilot, so we’ll see how many new rules I get from him.  Pilots are generally scum, and I’m betting that he’s no different but I do loooove a man in uniform.  Yep, I’m good at making rules, but I’m crap at following them.

In the end, I want what most people want.  I just wanna’  love someone and have them love me back.  It doesn’t seem like such a huge request, but it’s harder to find love than it is to find a job.  And I’ve begun to realize that maybe I’m just not that lovable, I’m sure they are a few people that can attest to that.

So I just trudge along, hoping that I’ll meet a nice dude who can love me despite all my bullsh*t.

Til next year,

the Surviving, Unsinkable, Cynical, Incorrigible LD

PS.  If you haven’t read my previous Relationship Hierarchy blog, I suggest you read it.  It’s bloody brilliant if I do say so myself, and I really think I’m on to something.

Define Immaturity!!

{ March 18, 2009 @ 6:17 am } · { Blogging, Blogroll, Dating, Fighting, Friendships, Insanity, Life, Marriage, Random, Ranting, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts, cheating, liars }
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Immaturity is a 41 year old man shoving you in the closet when his father comes over, because he doesn’t want to answer any questions about you.

Immaturity is a 36 year old man wanting to just be friends but he freaks out when you treat him like one of your friends.

Friendship is 30ish girls saying to the douchebags in their lives, “Okay, you don’t want to be with me anymore.  We can be friends.”, and actually mean it.  We tease everybody about everything.  If you don’t like it, then GROW UP.

Maturity is the ability to have a disagreement without having hysterics and hanging up.

Maturity is the ability to deal with things and not bolt even if you don’t like them or its uncomfortable.

When did these men turn into overgrown babies?  And we care not if they get upset or if their tender little feelings are hurt.

And how interesting that the most mature men that I’ve met have been in their early to mid 20s.  Guess the new batch of guys are built better than the old ones.

That’s my little nugget of wisdom today.  Hope you enjoyed it, I sure did.

The Amused Entertained and Far More Superior Little Duchess

Looking For A Job Is Sucking The Life Out Of ME.

{ March 25, 2008 @ 7:03 pm } · { Blogging, Careers, Insanity, Life, Random, Ranting, Thoughts, job search }
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I have been without a job for almost three months, and that is no easy feat.  It’s truly hard avoiding jobs, especially when you’re running out of money.  So, it is with a sad and heavy heart that yours truly has begun her job search frenzy.  Here are some things that I’ve learned in my attempts to join the tragically employed masses:

1.  Craigslist has a crap ton of scams.  Beware of the following categories:  Administrative/Clerical, Business/Management, Retail/Wholesale, and of course Marketing/PR.

2.  Careerbuilder never has anything good.  I find that it is no help building my career, much less finding me one.

3.  There are no cool jobs out there.  Why aren’t there Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark jobs out there?  I would be perfect for that.

4.  When all else fails, hock a kidney.  There’s always a need for kidneys.

I’m seriously considering retirement.

Yours Truly,

Perturbed, Defeated, Disgusted, Disgruntled, Spoiled Little Duchess

A Blogger’s Mission Statement

{ March 24, 2008 @ 8:03 pm } · { Blogging, Dating, Fighting, Friendships, Insanity, Random, Ranting, Thoughts }
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Okay, for those who know me know that I’m impulsive, irrational, tempestuous to say the least.  A way for me to combat my insanity is to pour all of it into my blogs, thats why the title of my blog page is Insane Ravings of A Lunatic Mind. I forgot that maybe some of you would actually read them and question my well being.  He he he.  This is my blogging mission statement:

I blog to vent or praise and nothing more. 

I get out all of my harshest and insane feelings and thoughts in my blog so I don’t take them out on everyone in my real life. 

Read my blogs as they were meant to be which is tongue-in-cheek.  After all, what the hell do I know?  I’m more screwed up than most people I know.

Honestly, writing just makes me feel better, and sometimes it lets my friends know that I feel their pain too.

I blog; therefore, I am.

That is all.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Feel free to comment, disagree,  praise, I love it all.  ‘Til tomorrow, when I’ll be blogging about those wenches that keep jerking me around.

Men Are WORTHLESS…

{ March 24, 2008 @ 7:50 pm } · { Blogroll, Dating, Fighting, Friendships, Marriage, Random, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts, cheating, liars }
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Men are liars.  This is what I had to explain to my friend today.  They cannot help themselves, they’re just pathological.  I haven’t dated a man yet who has not lied to me.  Whether they’re whoppers or just little white lies, they tend to spew forth from their mouths constantly.  My friend’s boyfriend had told her so much bulls#*t that she finally hauled off and slapped him last weekend at the bar for something totally innocent and random.  She said his mouth kept moving but she couldn’t hear the words coming out of them, and before she knew it she slapped the hell out of him in front of everyone.  This is what happens when you lie to us, you get pimp slapped in front of everyone.  Here are the rules and pay attention so this doesn’t happen to you:

1.  Do not bulls#*t us, we know when you’re lying.  We’ve been with you long enough to know your tells, and know the signs from previous relationships.

2.  Do not hook up with other girls, and expect us to be faithful.  Guess what, you opened that door, so don’t be surprised that we’re riding your friend in his SUV in the parking lot of the bar.

3.  Do not tell us you love us.  You don’t.  You love yourself.

4.  Do NOT mention the “m” word, unless you are on bended knee with a huge a$$ diamond in your hand.  Even then, good luck.

5.  Do not always take your cell phone with you when you leave the room!  You moron, quit being a freaking amateur.  That’s first thing that sets off alarms!

Enough said.

Little Duchess Isn’t Taking It Anymore.

Relationship Hierarchy

{ March 24, 2008 @ 7:14 pm } · { Dating, Friendships, Marriage, Random, Relationships, Sex, Thoughts }
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I’ve had some convos lately regarding relationships, and what guys want and what girls want, and I have devised a relationship hierarchy…according to me. Some of you may not agree with this, but you’re wrong. I’m right. You should know better, and never question me again. So, here it goes…

The Relationship Hierarchy according to Little Duchess

In order from least significance to greater significance, we kick off with the…

One Night Stand

The ONS, if you will, is self explanatory. We’ve all had one, and if you say you haven’t, you’re lying. We all do it for different reasons most of which involve mass quantites of alcohol and a stranger you met at a bar. They can be just what the doctor ordered, sex without strings. You don’t have to deal with the, “I’ll call you later.”, “Let’s get together sometime.” When you’re done, YOU”RE DONE.

The F@#k Buddy

Once again, we’ve all had a FB, usually they’re an acquaintance that you’ve had a mutual attraction with or a friend. It’s a step up from a ONS, because it can last anywhere from a couple days to a couple months depending on the type of FB you are. FB’s are not to be confused with dating, as it often can be. When you’re a FB, you aren’t required to do the dinner-and-a-movie-typical-date thing. Just sex. Period. No cuddling, hand holding, long conversations, or sleepovers. Not to be confused with…

Dating

Same as FB, but with the dinner, conversations, cuddling, hand holding. Only with many people, because exclusivity has not been established. However, you’re always coy about dating others, because you don’t want the person that you’re dating at that moment to know that he/she isn’t the only one. It’s fine line between FB, Dating, and…..

Relationship

Basically, all of the Dating stuff only with exclusivity. You look at the person you’re with, and think to yourself, “You’re mine. I’m tatooing my name on your forehead, so everyone knows you’re mine.” Which is just a thought, and not meant to come to fruition. And last, but not least, the dreaded…

Marriage

What almost everyone shoots for in life. To meet that one person that you can spend the rest of your life with, have beautiful children with, grow old with, have a mortgage with, stop having sex with, contemplate having an affair on, fight over how to raise the kids with, ohhhh, the list goes on….To some, marriage is the answer to all life’s problems, to others it’s the cause of all life’s problems. Me, you ask? Well, I do not believe in marriage, for me, but I do believe in divorce.

Well, these are just the random thoughts that float through my head when I don’t have a whole to do at work but daydream.

As always, I make my disclaimer: Don’t take everything I say too seriously, afterall, I’m a girl, and I change my mind often.

Yours truly…well, at least truly, I have a problem with commitment, remember?

Little Duchess

Ode to the Canola King and His Worshippers

{ February 19, 2007 @ 6:38 am } · { Blogging, Friendships, Random, Relationships, Thoughts }
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I knew a man who once Majored in Pausing.

What is Pausing?

It’s the undefinable, indescibeable, uninterrupted moments of ponder, reflection, inflection, infectious train of thought.

He paused quite often; he paused the hell out of the moment. I adored that pausing man the first moment I saw him pause. Often I found myself pausing with him, alongside him. He’s paused throughout the world, and I bet he’s pausing right now. You might see him sitting next to you at the bar, or at the park under a tree.

Pause with him for me.

Hello world!

{ February 19, 2007 @ 5:10 am } · { Uncategorized }
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